Guide · US edition · Updated 2026-10-29

What Not to Do When Someone Dies: 10 Mistakes Families Regret

After a death, people want to do something. That instinct is good, but some well-meant actions in the first weeks cause real problems later: money that cannot be recovered, accounts that lock you out, family arguments that last years.

Here are ten mistakes that come up again and again, and what to do instead.

1. Paying their debts with your own money

Collectors, hospitals and card issuers may contact the family soon after a death. In general, a person's debts are paid from their estate, not by their children or relatives personally. If the estate does not have enough money, many debts simply go unpaid.

There are exceptions (co-signed loans, joint accounts, some community-property rules for spouses), so do not assume either way. But do not pay anything from your own pocket until you know you are actually liable. More in our guide: do you have to pay a deceased parent's debt?

2. Putting too much in the obituary

Obituaries are read by identity thieves and burglars, too. Avoid publishing the full date of birth, the home address, mother's maiden name, or anything that sounds like a security question. Consider not listing the exact time of the funeral alongside the home location, since the house will be empty.

3. Cancelling their phone right away

Their phone number probably receives the two-factor codes for their email, bank and other accounts. Cancel it first and you may lose access to everything. Keep the line active (it is usually cheap) until you have moved or closed the accounts that depend on it.

4. Closing bank accounts before mapping autopays

Mortgage, home insurance, utilities and car insurance are often paid automatically. Close the account and those payments bounce, insurance lapses and the house you are trying to protect is suddenly uninsured. Make a list of every autopay before changing anything.

5. Using their bank card or account "just for the bills"

Even with good intentions, using the deceased person's card or withdrawing from their account after death can create legal problems, especially if there are other beneficiaries or creditors. Once appointed, the executor should open a separate estate bank account and pay estate expenses from there.

6. Mixing estate money with your own

Executors have a legal duty to keep the estate's money separate. Depositing an insurance check or sale proceeds into your personal account, even temporarily, makes the accounting messy and can expose you to claims from beneficiaries. Keep every receipt and run everything through the estate account.

7. Paying a website for an estate EIN

An Employer Identification Number for the estate is free from the IRS. Many look-alike websites charge $100 to $300 to submit the same free application. Always apply directly on IRS.gov. See how to get an estate EIN for free.

8. Giving away belongings before the will is read

Relatives may want a keepsake, a car or furniture right away. Wait. The will (or state law) decides who receives what, and some items may need to be sold to pay debts. Letting things go early is one of the most common sources of family conflict. Secure the home and make a list of valuable or sentimental items first.

9. Signing contracts or making big decisions in the first days

It is fine to tell a funeral home, a realtor or a car dealer "I'll get back to you." Funeral homes must give you an itemized price list under the federal Funeral Rule, and you only have to buy what you choose. Selling the house, the car or investments can almost always wait until the executor is appointed and there is a full picture of the estate.

10. Trying to do it all alone, without a record

Over the next months you will make dozens of calls and send dozens of letters. Without a record, you will repeat conversations and lose track of who has what. Start a call log on day one: date, organization, the name of the person you spoke to, and the reference number.

A few more "don'ts" worth knowing

• Don't throw away their mail for at least several months. It is how you find accounts, bills and policies.
• Don't ignore deadlines from the probate court, the IRS or insurers. Put them in one calendar.
• Don't leave the home unattended for long periods without asking someone to check on it.
• Don't forget yourself. Eat, sleep, accept help. Grief makes everyone worse at paperwork.

What to do instead: the short version

1. Get the essentials done in the first 48 hours (pronouncement, family, funeral home, secure the home).
2. Order 10 to 15 certified death certificates.
3. Find the original will and any pre-paid funeral plan.
4. List every account, autopay and bill before closing anything.
5. Let the executor get appointed by the court, then open an estate bank account.
6. Notify organizations in writing and keep copies.

Free checklist

Our free First 48 Hours Checklist lists the few things that are truly urgent and the one thing not to do.

When you are ready for the rest, the After-Loss Admin Kit gives you a step-by-step workbook from the first day to closing the estate, 12 letter templates, and an estate tracker that shows which subscriptions are still billing and which expenses still need reimbursing.

This article is general information for families in the United States, not legal, tax or financial advice. Rules vary by state; for your specific situation, consult a licensed estate attorney.

More guides

• Who to Call When Someone Dies: The First 24 to 48 Hours, In Order
• How Many Death Certificates Do You Need? (And Who Will Ask for One)
• Executor Checklist: What an Executor Does, Step by Step
• Estate EIN: How Executors Get One Free From the IRS (Don't Pay a Website)
• How to Close a Deceased Person's Bank Accounts, Cards and Subscriptions
• Notifying Social Security and the Credit Bureaus After a Death
• Do You Have to Pay a Deceased Parent's Debt? Usually No. Here's Why